the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
