I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
