where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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