Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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