we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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