i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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