you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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