I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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