We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
