i was born a porn star she said
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was like eating out sand paper
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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