That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
