that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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