Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
