i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
