I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you win again, gameday.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
