im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize