im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
