Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
