i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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