I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
