By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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