If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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