I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
