the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ttyl tear gas
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
