OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
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she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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