Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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