Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
