i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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