True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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