my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize