Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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