I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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