You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
