I just threw up on my dentist
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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