I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
