the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
