im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
