I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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