I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize