I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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