we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
NoShamevember. You game?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
