Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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