I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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