I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
