Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Randomize
