After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize