he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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