That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i now understand why vodka
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
