She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You ruined the universe
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
