turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
