Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
