Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
