maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
