I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
