True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
