I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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