I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
