I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
