I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
