Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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