shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
