Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
