I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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