Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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