i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
