omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
