...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
