and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
