hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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