you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
