capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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