i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
they need to just BURY HIM!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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