I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
