the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
