peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Girls should come with a carfax report
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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