Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
