theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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