On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
