You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
