just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize