There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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