He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
