Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
