I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Panties = found
Randomize
