what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
