Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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