I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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